Inner Compass – Shalini Sareen – Life & Executive Coach

Life moves on and we can’t help comparing ourselves, even though we know it steals our joy. As soon as we enter adult life, there’s this kind of invisible competition that sets in. It’s as if we’re all heading somewhere, and the first to get there will be the happiest. We go through the years with apprehension. The competition was already fierce in childhood, but our pure hearts were too innocent to understand. In our teens, as we scrolled through the social networks, we began to understand that it wasn’t going to be that simple. Then, the game of life starts with adulthood. As soon as you turn 18, it begins with someone, often a close relative, telling you, one random morning: “Do you remember “A”? Now he’s studying at a prestigious College.” When the parent’s cross paths, the contest can begin. “My son became a doctor and saves lives”. “Mine became a surgeon and saves more lives than yours.” Why have I never heard: “My child is happy.”

Between the ages of 25 and 30, pressure reaches its climax, the pot roars, ready to explode. “A” & “S” are expecting their first child.” “B” & “D” are buying their first house.” “C” & “E” have a multimillion-dollar business.” You greet all this news with anxiety: “Ouch, what if I can’t do it?” The coup de grace comes when you learn that “H”, the loser lives her best life and invites you to her wedding. The truth is, I’m happy for “H” and I never thought she was a loser. Maybe everyone thought so. But I didn’t care.

But it’s society and other people who force you into boxes. There’s a benchmark for life. Every opportunity is good to remind you where you are on the scale. And when others don’t remind you, it’s the social networks, in your own phone, throwing perfect lives and bodies in front of your eyes. Social pressure is so strong. We bend, we try not to break. It’s one thing to think that “H” is a good girl who deserves all the great things happening to her. It’s another to face your father’s gaze, thinking you’re worse than she is. So…To satisfy our parents or societal pressure, the little voice in our head saying, “Do something”, or all three or worse when we have brought in the ideas by somehow giving into them and we start to:
Do things we’re dying not to do;
Study things we hate;
Love people we don’t;
Become friends with people we dislike;
Put on the mask and play a part;
Run a race that isn’t our own;
Build a dream that isn’t ours.

Become something we’re not and how do you come to know: When the end results end up giving you a big fat ego, mental health issues, no happiness and it’s too late. The joke is: it never stops. The quicksand wants to suck you in until your last breath. Vampires of comparison want every last drop of your blood. When you’ve unlocked the car, it’s the car they’re going to compare. When you’ve unlocked the house, it’s the house they’re going to compare. “Have you seen “C”’s kitchen?” “I didn’t know that “D” had a pool.” Just when you thought you’d escaped, you’re back in one of the circles of hell. I’m a parent, and every time another parent crosses my path, many of them have the reflex to compare their children with mine. Chill. I didn’t ask for anything. I just want to enjoy my life at this get-together. But there’s always one competition maniac who needs to kill the fun. Poor tiny “J” is going to be enrolled on the piano that very evening with intensive lessons. He’s not even going to understand what he did to deserve this punishment.

I’ve had so many failures I can’t count. Sometimes I think that whenever I’ve just been a little more successful it’s because I’ve had the courage to `know who I am and to be truly my authentic self, the courage to acknowledge my happiness over where I am in the race compared to the next person, the courage to not fit in with the societal norms and the courage to never give up becoming the person I am meant to be. Not because I’m special, but because I’m stubborner than a mule…. because even if it’s hard, I’m trying to hold on to that feeling.

The Lesson: the biggest competition in your race needs to be you yourself and not someone external, the only conditions on this path being, that you cannot be complacent, delusional or fixated on a specific outcome. And for that to happen, you or your parents need to build “YOU” in such a way that you begin your education not by topping your class but by knowing your body and mind; to build objectivity and perspectives in your way of thinking; to create an understanding of different opinions and ways; to teach you flexibility and acceptance; to not let you impose yourself on others or let others impose on you; to make you understand your values and find your purpose without losing the joy and feeling of being alive every day; to help you realize who your role models are; to instill a sense of discipline in your everyday life because your habits decide your destiny; to help instill in you a sense of excellence and teach you to fuel your curiosity in all that you do; to build an understanding of the fact that your behavior and actions have consequences; to making choices with eyes wide open; to teaching you sensitivity, empathy and nurturing your compassion, all the while knowing when, where and how much to use it; to keeping the fire within you burning, which by itself, renders courage and truthfulness (Satyam Shivam Sundaram) and most importantly to instill self-awareness and consciousness within you, so that you can transform your life by changing your habits and breaking your patterns.


I’d like to end this long post with these shackles. These boxes they’d like us to fit into, these steps, if you miss them, they’ll try to make you feel like a “loser”. I wanted to tell you: If you missed them, feel late. For what it’s worth: I don’t think you’re a loser. As long as you are being yourself and trying, it’s already a lot. “G” became a great chef while you’re still searching your way. That’s okay. “S” already had kids while you can’t find love. That’s okay. “A” already has a big house while you’re still in a small apartment. That’s okay. Let them care about you if they want. But do not care about them. Envy is a mortal sin. The jealousy that stems from it can do no good. Everyone follows the rules of the game. And yet, I don’t see many happy people around me. Many seem stuck in the theater. When the curtains close, the smiles fade. Come to think of it, if we were alone on this earth ball of universe, all this competition would disappear. We no more need to know who’s the richest, handsomest, tallest, has the nicest car, kitchen… life. If you’re alone on earth, de facto, you’ve got everything. Maybe, the solution is to live your life thinking that others don’t exist and to be too busy building your world to let the worlds of others crash into yours. Best way to win is to not play. I’d just tell you that even if you have been comparing yourself until now, it’s not too late to change the game, however late you may feel it is and instead:
Do things you’re dying to do;
Study things you love;
Love people you truly love;
Become friends with people you like;
Discard the mask and be yourself;
Run a race that is your own;
Build a dream that is yours;
Become something that you are meant to be and I think that if you are authentic and keep trying to make the world a better place; trying to make ‘your world’ a better place; and trying to make the world, a better place, for the people you truly love. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you and I hope, wish and bless you to find the path that makes you feel truly happy.