I have a whole lot of young clients coming in, booking my sessions, for dating advice and to zero in on their version of a suitable husband or wife material, who come from similar socio-cultural backgrounds and are a match to a specific set of expectations. My response to them is “don’t just date, but elevate.” Elevating means we’re seeking connections that stimulate our mind, touch our soul, and align with our life purpose. It’s about seeking a friend who challenges us, inspires us and pushes us towards becoming the best version of ourselves. It means inviting connections that energize us, heal us and bring us closer to being the person, we are meant to be. Elevating is about seeking a connection that elicits laughter and yet does not fail to carry the sum total of grace, sense and wisdom, within us.
The biggest faux pass that most clients I have seen making is that they seem to follow the checklist and a tick mark without deliberating upon the assumptions and generalizations behind the points that make it to the checklist. A classic example that I often run into, is the one, wherein the client himself or herself is an intellectual who is looking for a similar trait in his or her partner. His or her assumption that all postgraduate professional degree holders are intellectual in their mindsets lead him to be stuck with a partner with a very basic level of thinking and a fancy professional degree. They further add spice to their predicament by settling down and misapplying jargons like “adjustment and acceptance is the key to a good relationship”. All wise statements can fall flat when applied in the wrong context. One of the main hallmark of a good relationship is the sense of aliveness it creates within you and makes you a better version of yourself. Its great to adjust and accept when the fire within you is still burning bright. It is not great to follow this advise when you are dead within, due to either over indulgence and over work or without any self love and self belief, resulting in aimlessly wandering, from one wrong path to the other.
When we elevate instead of just date, we shift our focus from simply finding a partner to building a partnership. It’s about mutual respect, similar thought process, shared values, and shared growth. It’s about feeling energized and shining the light within us while nurturing a relationship that enriches both individuals, catalyzing personal and shared evolution. Its so easy to get lost and misdiagnose an incompatible relationship as a great one. The solution, like towards anything, lies within us and can always be achieved through deliberation and reflection, sometimes spanning over months. Trust the energy in the connection. Your mind can trick you and deceive you from seeing the truth seeing the truth, words can lie but energy never lies. If not, reaching out to a life coach, can help you deliberate and help you choose the right partner.
This doesn’t mean we’re seeking perfection. We’re seeking progress, growth, and continuous learning. It means being with someone who understands that love is a journey, not a destination.