Did you have a normal childhood with good parents, yet still feel unhappy or unsatisfied with your life?
Maybe you suffer from depression, anxiety, or anger management problems and don’t have any idea why, because you experienced absolutely no abuse or trauma in your childhood. Are you married with beautiful children, a loving spouse, and respectable job, yet still feel like something is missing in your life? Maybe you can’t quite put your finger on it, but you feel empty inside.
Jonice Webb, PhD has written extensively about a much-needed subject: Childhood Emotional Neglect. She has even written a book, “Running Empty No More”, about this insidious form of dysfunction in families that has such a powerful effect on adulthood. Here is what Jonice Webb, PhD has to say about childhood emotional neglect: “Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs. Emotional Neglect is, in some ways, the opposite of mistreatment and abuse. Whereas mistreatment and abuse are parental acts, Emotional Neglect is a parent’s failure to act. It’s a failure to notice, attend to, or respond appropriately to a child’s feelings.”
She has the following quiz on her website that can help you determine if you suffer from the effects of childhood emotional neglect. Take the Emotional Neglect Questionnaire to find out…Keep track of how many questions you answer YES to and add them up at the end.
Do You…
1. Sometimes feel like you don’t belong when with your family or friends ?
2. Pride yourself on not relying upon others ?
3. Have difficulty asking for help ?
4. Have friends or family who complain that you are aloof or distant ?
5. Feel you have not met your potential in life ?
6. Often just want to be left alone ?
7. Secretly feel that you may be a fraud ?
8. Tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations ?
9. Often feel disappointed with, or angry at, yourself ?
10. Judge yourself more harshly than you judge others ?
11. Compare yourself to others and often find yourself sadly lacking?
12. Find it easier to love animals than people ?
13. Often feel irritable or unhappy for no apparent reason?
14. Have trouble knowing what you’re feeling ?
15. Have trouble identifying your strengths and weaknesses?
16. Sometimes feel like you’re on the outside looking in ?
17. Believe you’re one of those people who could easily live as a hermit ?
18. Have trouble calming yourself ?
19. Feel there’s something holding you back from being present in the moment?
20. At times feel empty inside ?
21. Secretly feel there’s something wrong with you ?
22. Struggle with self-discipline ?
Look back over your YES answers. These answers give you a window into the areas in which you may have experienced Emotional Neglect as a child. The more questions you answered “Yes”, the more likely CEN has affected your life.
Here are some clues that you experienced childhood emotional neglect:
People pleasing;
Not having a voice, being unable to stand up for yourself or speak your truth;
Lack of ability to set healthy or appropriate boundaries with others;
Unable to feel your feelings or unaware of what you are feeling;
Being unsure of what you really want or need;
Feeling like you are “on the outside looking in” at everyone else who is engaged in living life fully; feeling like “life is just passing you by”;
Feeling hopeless, purposeless, or having suicidal thoughts, even though you have a good life;
Feeling that you are “bad” or inherently flawed in some way;
Feeling inadequate or simply not good enough.
Those who experienced emotional neglect in their families, often have no idea that it exists. Yet, our childhoods follow us into our adulthood, where they have a significant impact. There are many more signs and symptoms. The good news is that there is hope for healing from the devastating impact of emotional neglect experienced during childhood.
Once you have identified yourself as having experienced emotional neglect in childhood, the best path for you is to become aware of the same. Having become aware of the cause, you are able to resolve 50 per cent of the problem and the other half can be done through gaining insights by discussing with a life-coach and empowering yourself by taking action at multifarious levels.